Currently Listening Young Modern see related

My hands are covered in paint.  It actually looks more like I've been making pottery - the paint that I've been using is a light gray, which is soothing my peripheral vision as I type.  Right now this paint on my hands means that things are happening in my life.  I'm moving offices at the church where I work, and even though it's right next door, I am saying goodbye to a time in my life that has held a lot of great memories for me.  The truth is that it's really not about the office.  It's about taking a snapshot of my life and realizing that even though things may never be the same, that's okay.  Painting doesn't make me sad, but apparently it makes me think.

I wish I could see time the way God does.  I'm sure it would probably really mess me up, but if I could handle it I think it would be amazing.  Years ago I had some friends who came up with this idea that perhaps all time is happening at once.  Basically, if you looked at moments in time as panes of glass and placed them sideways next to each other, they would stretch from the beginning of time until the end.  Then, you could take all of those panes and push them together until they fused into one.  You could hold it up and look through it and literally see the entire span of history all at once.  To us, we're just getting from our first pane to our last, but to God they are all right there.  There is no single moment because when you look at time that way, everything happens together. 

More and more, I feel as if my last pane of glass has already been made.  A part of me really believes that all of history has already been created and we're just making our way through it.  I'm not advocating predestination or implying that an immutable future means we do not inherently choose the path of our lives.  Does the thought of God knowing the path of my life ruin some sort of understanding of purpose or idea of free will to me?  Not at all.  I can't be arrogant enough to think that I'm going to fool God.  That I'm going to zig when He knew that I was going to zag.  I might be willing to believe that if He so chose, He wouldn't look at the big pane of glass and see what was behind and in front of this moment of my life, therefore having no foresight into what was to come.

All of this from painting a few walls.  When things change it reminds me that I'm changing.  My life is changing.  Even though I know that I will have to live over 50 more years until I become 80, I feel like part of me is already there.  The part that wants so much to remember that all of this happens just quick enough to realize that it's already over.  The moment when you wake up and wonder where your life went.  Help me make sure I don't forget to remember.